When Experiencing Family Conflict, Mediation May Be a Better Option Than Lawyers and Court

Conflict within families is an unavoidable event. The conflict may be minor, or it can be a life changing event, such as a divorce. Conflict is a natural outcome of human interaction. Conflict can reach a point where it requires intervention from an "outside" source, such as a counselor or mediator. Mediation can provide a resolution from conflict that is somewhat different from others methods, such as arbitration or ligation. Denisha Shah (2018), in one of her blogs describes Mediation as a "path of love and compassion" that offers a win-win ideal process that can lead to a "natural and harmonious" resolution of the conflict. The paragraphs below will discuss some of the critical characteristics of mediation that make it unique from the typical method of hiring an attorney and going to court.

There are instances when mediation is mandated by court or an employer. However, when parties mutually decide to enter into a mediation to resolve differences it is truly a voluntary process. Either or both parties may decide to end the mediation at any point in time. only the parties involved in the dispute can make any decisions regarding the matter. The mediator does not advise or make decisions about the dispute. His/her role is simply to be as neutral as possible and help find satisfactory and fair solutions to the conflict.

Mediation that involves family conflicts often are extremely emotional. The role of a mediator is to help the parties validate those emotions, and understand how those emotions are "driving" the conflict. At the same time, it is critical that the parties understand that the mediation is intended to be a win-win situation - that the goal is to resolve the conflict so that all parties experience some level of satisfaction. Consequently, the mediator's role is to help the parties share those feelings with as much coolheadedness as possible.

Successful mediation's promote a level of trust with the participants. First and foremost, trust must be established with the mediator. This is done in a variety of ways. The mediator will meet with each participant individually to get to "know" the participant, to understand that person's motivation and issues, to establish a relationship with that person. During the mediation, there will be specific "ground rules" that everyone is required to follow. Those ground rules have to do with with being respectful and polite. If people are unable to follow those rules, the mediation with be stopped.

There have some times when "shuttle mediation" is used. Shuttle mediation is when the mediator puts the people in separate rooms and "carries" the communication from one room to the other. Also, it is not unusual to take "timeouts". Timeouts are initiated by the mediator to allow people to deal with their emotions, to compose themselves. All of these techniques are designed to increase trust and lead to a satisfactory resolution of the conflict.

This is the first of one or two additional blogs that will focus on the advantages of mediation versus litigation. Please share your thoughts as you read this.